The Double Empathy Problem

NeurodiversityAutism
Written By Yuka O
Illustration of the Double Empathy Problem highlighting communication between neurodiverse and neurotypical individuals by Neurodiversity Wellness Collective

When we think about communication challenges between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals, the conversation often centers on what neurodivergent people lack: social skills, emotional awareness, or a theory of mind. However, what if that framing misses the point entirely?

A theory that helps to describe what happens when autistic and non-autistic people struggle to understand each other is called the double empathy problem (Milton et al., 2018). Empathy is defined as the ability to connect with others by taking their perspective, sharing their emotions, and feeling compassion for them (Depow, 2021). According to the double empathy problem, empathy is a two-way process that depends significantly on the ways of doing things and our expectations from previous social experiences, which can vary between autistic and non-autistic individuals. 

These differences in communication styles can lead to misunderstandings and emotional disconnect for both autistic and non-autistic individuals. Autistic people may feel dismissed or frustrated when their ways of expressing thoughts and feelings are not recognized or understood, while non-autistic individuals may misinterpret or overlook important cues.

What This Means for You 

Whether you are neurodivergent yourself, a parent, partner, mental health professional, educator, healthcare provider, or simply curious, understanding the Double Empathy Problem can deepen your ability to build compassionate, reciprocal relationships across neurotypes. Here are a few key takeaways to support more effective and affirming communication:

  • Get Curious: Ask, do not assume. What feels natural or clear to one person may not feel the same to another. 

  • Practical mutual attunement: True connection does not come from “fixing’ the other; it comes from a shared willingness to bridge differences. 

  • Pause: Is this a lack of empathy, or a difference in how empathy is expressed?

References

Depow, G. J., Francis, Z., & Inzlicht, M. (2021). The experience of empathy in everyday life. Psychological Science, 32(8), 1198-1213. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797621995202 


Milton, D. E. M., Heasman, B., Sheppard, E. (2018). Double Empathy. In F. Volkmar (Ed.), Encyclopedia of autism spectrum disorders (pp. 1-9). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-6435-8_102273-2

Yuka O
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